Reflections

It is natural when something in your life changes to reflect on not only that but on things past. Sometimes the answers these reflections bring surprise, sometimes they upset and sometimes they bring happiness.. As I sit and reflect this week I am brought back to a word, a single word spoken in the hallway out of frustration and out of a feeling of resignation. That word can never be changed and that one word caused so much of life to change. Plans, goals, futures, all changed by one word. If I could go back I would try to convince myself to act differently, to fight the tide and to change that word.  Would things be better?  Who knows..  I tend to think so..

I'm sorry for the vagueness of that last paragraph, there are so many feelings to think about, so many people who could be hurt, should I even put this out there in the public forum? Who knows and honestly right now, who cares..  I am a very public person and if someone gets hurt because they know what I mean then I'm sorry, but it's the way I feel, I can't change that and I have to be true to myself..

I got very caught up in the whirlwind of the past few months and I think in doing so I caused great pain, I am sorry to anyone for the pain I may have caused. I try not to regret the decisions of my past, and in general I do a pretty good job. I am sorry I changed plans because of the new developments in my life, I'm sorry that I caused some people to feel unwanted or second best.

In the end I will go on, as they say, "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger".. 

I am still planning on moving, but not sure where.  However much I love this apartment the heating bills in the winter are horrible. I am looking in Southern MA, Northern RI and North East CT, the adventure of life is you never know where you'll end up in the end.. 

-
Sorry this blog has been a big downer..  In other, happier news, the Mets won four in a row which is their biggest winning streak of the year and, better yet, three of those have come against the Yankees..  :)

I will try to be more upbeat in the next blog..  I realize I need a "sign off tag line", hmm..  If you have any suggestions let me know..  For now, I'll steal this one one more time.  ;)

Good night my lovelies

Anime Boston..

I realize I haven't blogged in almost a month..  I am at Anime Boston this weekend and typing this via my phone while having a beer before bed..

I finally managed to get a cup today so I was able to wear my tng uniform. I can now safely say I understand why they got rid of the jumpsuit uniform after season 1. It bunches up in the front unless you stand really straight and you definitely have to pull it down a lot while sitting.  I did bring my skirt dress in case someone changed thier mind and had shown up..  Maybe I'll convince someone to wear it with me to ConnectiCon in July..  Troi will be there so that would be the perfect opportunity to cosplay her..  :-)

-
In other news, me and Kaila are no longer. I am not going to go into details right now but wanted to at least let everyone know in case you didn't already. I might go into further details here later when I'm not typing this via my phone. Then again I might just leave it at that. I was sad when it happened but I certainly feel now that it is for the best. There is no need for condolences.

First Beer = Bud Light?!

Wednesday night I was just about to start a Daily Show and wind down for bed after Serenity when my boss called..  Apparently the instructor in NYC got really sick and couldn't continue class..  I am a person who loves adventure and last minute heroics so off to NY I go.  I say that as if I was super excited to go, but honestly, I was really disappointed, I had dinner plans with Kaila and was planning on going to a concert in Providence with Kevin and Lynz but what am I going to do but make the best of it.. :)

Anyway...  I got up at 4am to make sure to be at class by 9.. I ended up getting into the class right at 9 and connected my PC to the projector and turned everything on, by the time the projector warmed up I had the presentation already in "Slide Show" mode and started with the first module of the day. I was trying hard to stay awake and luckily the students were very interactive keeping me awake and alert, after the module I ended the Slide Show and while loading the next module one of the students said "what superhero is that", it dawned on my what was on my desktop and apparently the look on my face was really funny as I slowly turned to the screen to see Kaila's Harley Quinn picture zoomed in on a 15ft screen!  I just looked at the class and quietly said "that's my girlfriend, she is dressed as Harley Quinn from the Batman comics", one of the students actually said "impressive"... 

Wednesday after class I relaxed a bit in the hotel before going to dinner. Speaking of the hotel, I actually didn't even book the hotel till my lunch break, always an adventure right?  Anyway, I walked around and realized I was heading toward the Perfect Pint, when I got there I noticed the place right next store was an Irish Pub called Dubliner I think, looking at their menu they had very similar food plus they have 40 beers on tap and a roof top seating area so they won..  Well, the food was certainly not as good. At Perfect Pint they have a Pistachio crusted Salmon which is fantastic, at Dubliner they have a Walnut crusted Salmon which was not quite as good.  But, they did have a better beer selection. While I was three people came in and sat next to me, they ordered their drinks and after the guy tasted his he made a comment that beer didn't taste good.  Apparently it was his first beer ever and it was a Bud Light, I couldn't resist telling him the reason it didn't taste good was not because it was beer, but because it was BAD beer. They were from Pakistan and here on holiday, I ended up giving them a long lecture on hops, malts, ales and lagers. His second beer was a Smithwicks (at my suggestion) which he enjoyed a lot better. If you feel you don't like beer make sure you've had all the different types before you make that statement.

I came in this morning and had put the appropriate wallpaper back on my PC, when I turned on the projector all the students were disappointed I had changed it.  One of them asked if I could put it back because the other one "was nicer to look at"..  LOL!

--
I have been re-reading a lot of my old blogs and if I do say so, I say some pretty smeggin' insightful stuff..  I recommend going back and reading those old blogs if you haven't before. Yes, I know there is a lot of them and yes a lot of them are food and baseball related, but there are some gems of knowledge in there..  :)

--
Oh..  In other news - as if this was small enough to toss at the end of a blog, but, you know, that's how I roll..  :P  I'm moving in with Kaila in August, we will be living in Milford MA..  I am very happy and excited to embark on this new stage of my life and want to shout to the world how happy I am

Only You

"Only you have the answers
But the questions you have to find

Only you know the secrets
But the truth lies deep in your mind

Only you are the answer
You turn the night into day

Only you are the manchild
You are the light and you are the way

Tell me the secrets
I wanna know
Tell me the secrets
I wanna know

only you
Only you are the manchild
You are the light and you are the way

I can't believe this is is true
Why do I listen to you?
If I am all that you say
Why am I still so afraid?

Only you
Only you
Only you

In every age
In every time
A hero is born
As if by a grand design"

--
I am trying to not have this be a blog I only write in when I'm on the road but it seems that when I'm home I never have the time to sit and write. Update from previous blog..  I managed to get the data off my USB stick by jamming "up" into the USB port, I plugged it in and stuck a pen between it and another USB stick to force it "up" and that worked..  :)

My TNG uniform maker had a set back with her back and neck issues so I didn't get it this weekend as planned. I am still hopeful that I will have it by Anime Boston, but, Chrissy, if you're reading this, I am perfectly ok if I don't get it in time..  Your health is much more important to me than wearing a matching uniform with my girl friend..  :)

A few weeks ago I left my really super awesome headset in Denver, I finally got a replacement today. The last few weeks I was using a REAL bad one that I had laying around and it made online teaching a bit of a challenge, the mic would just cut out every once in a while (maybe every 20 mins) and trying to play Traveller last night was causing lovely feedback for everyone but me. I haven't tried the new one yet because I just got it after lecture was done for the day. I am going to try it tomorrow for class and tomorrow night for Serenity.

Back home from KC and the Future

Last day in KC was pretty un-eventful, I got out of class just in time to leave and head to the airport. The KC airport is a pretty small airport for such a big city, they have many security areas around little pockets of gates. Most of the gate areas just have seats and water fountains, the one I was in had a bathroom (single stall) and a restaurant/bar. As I was getting ready for the flight I started to feel a sinus cold coming on which turned into a full blown head cold by the time I landed in Hartford.  :(

I am feeling better now (still not 100%, but getting there), still a bit stuffy and my ears are very "full and painful".  I hate the fact that my ears always get so screwed up when I get head colds but I guess that's the price I pay for having such excellent hearing. 

Saturday I went to FI but ended up leaving early because I kept getting dizzy and was having a real hard time concentrating. The game was great and I have to say everything seems to be happening to me now that I got rid of the Deputy badge. I don't know if it's that I'm more approachable now or if it's just timing..  Anyway, I had an awesome time but I knew if I didn't get lots of rest I would not be able to kick this cold.

I tried on my TNG uniform when I got home and it's looking very good, still no pictures since it's not done. I brought it back to Chrissy and she is going to finish it up for Laire this weekend.

Sunday I went back to FI and another awesome day of role play!

--
On a work rant..  I am writing a custom class to be taught to other instructors, unfortunately everything I had done so far was on my USB stick which no longer works..  Gah.. Back to the starting gun on that I guess..  Lesson here, always save your work in at least two locations..  I think I knew that already, but I guess it's something worth learning again..

Obesity has found it's new home.. Kansas City..

I have noticed as I've been walking around that the obesity rate in this area seems to be much higher than I would have expected. Usually when I travel somewhere warmer the people are thiner because they are not "stuck inside" all winter. But here seems to be the reverse, maybe it's the BBQ and lack of veggies on a normal plate. My class this week is at a health insurance company so they try their best to provide "healthy" options in the cafeteria but those lines are generally very short and still not what I would put in the "healthy" category.

I got stuck at work till 5 again today so no museum trip for me, I fly out tomorrow at 5:45 so I told the students I need to leave at 2 so I could make the airport. Of eight students two of them are done with today's labs, two of them are still on Monday's labs and the other four are on Day 3 labs.

After getting out I came back to the hotel and researched food options. I found a "microw-brew" called Landing's Neighborhood Eatery and Micro-Brew which had $5 burger dinners tonight and said they had a wide selection of micro-brews. The burger was good and I had a Boulevard Nitro 7 which was a Belgium Triple, it was good, I know I keep saying beers were "good", that's because nothing has jumped out as awesome. The burger was very good and while I was there a blues band came on and was playing some live music. The band was fun to listen to, I didn't catch their name. I was talking to the girlfriend of the drummer and she was telling me they just got back from NYC where they recorded a few tracks.

After a few songs I had finished my burger and beer so I decided to head back to the hotel, I'm pretty tired and still had to pack for tomorrow's flight.

I am going to head to bed but I wanted to end this with some wise words from a wise friend..

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it"

[] []

Time for Buddha to travel? I think so..

I had a VERY good day/night. I will admit today didn't start out great, I woke feeling lonely and was dreading going into work and dealing with my students.. My students did not make the day any better nor did the rain and hail throughout the day, although it was pretty cool to see really large hail chunks falling from the sky..  What did help was an early morning chat with Kaila and a long, really awesome night time chat..  :)

I was hoping my students would be done with labs, or at least leave early enough, so that I could go to the Negro League Museum but I didn't get out of work till almost 5 again and that was because I ended up leaving.  The students are really not taking lab time seriously and are too focused on their normal work projects to be focused on getting their labs done.

Since I didn't get out till then I decided I would just go somewhere, have a few beers and watch the Mets game. I came back to the hotel after work and researched online for a good sports bar, my choice came down to three places; one was a gay bar in downtown, the second was a place called All Star Grill and the third was the Brass Rail. I knew the All Star Grill was closest but they had Karaoke tonight so I figured they wouldn't have TVs open for the game, the gay bar didn't have the MLB package so that left the Brass Rail which did have the MLB package and a pretty good looking menu.

While researching my friend Steve called, I haven't talked to him in a long time and I thought it was funny that he called since I just referenced him in Monday's blog.

Right before I was about to leave I found out the Mets game was snowed out again! The Mets have been snowed out 3 of the last 4 days!? It's spring right? Anyway, I re-thought my dinner plans and eventually decided that the menu at the Brass Rail was good enough to check out.  I had a Rib Eye with Mashed Potatoes and Broccoli, the food was not something worth "writing home about" but it was good, I had a Grass Roots IPA which is from a local KC brewery, it was also not something to "write home about" but it was good. On the way home I realized the All Star Grill is two buildings away from the hotel..  Could have just walked there..

When I got back I called Kaila and talked to her for a long time, I am not going to go into any detail here but I will say it was a very good conversation and I hung up feeling great about "life, the universe and everything". She is flying into MO tomorrow to go to a con, unfortunately it's on the other side of the state from me so although we will be in the same state we won't be able to see each other..

After our conversation I decided that I wanted a drink before bed so I went over to the All Star Grill, as I said it is a few buildings away. I'm glad I didn't go there for dinner, it's a nice place for a drink but I don't know about eating there. I had an Irish Cream Ale from a local KC place which was good, don't know why they call it "Irish" but it reminded me of Harry Potter's butter beer.

I'm off to bed, don't know how much sleep I'm going to get as I'm all amped up still but I'm going to try, at least I don't have to get up at crazy o'clock in the morning for a flight.

Good night everyone, till next time..

13 Places to Eat Before You Die: #13 - Check

I know I said I was going to go to Fud tonight, but after looking at their website today and realizing they don't take credit cards I was a little taken a back.  Apparently they consider themselves "hipster" and taking credit cards is not something they want to do.  Ironically they will take a check? Who takes checks and not credit cards?! Anyway..  The guy at Cafe Gratitude said if I eat meat the best BBQ in KC is Oklahoma Joe's which runs out of a gas station downtown, I spoke with some guys from class and they also highly recommend them so I'm going to check them out. 

Right now, I'm just sitting in the hotel and relaxing for a bit. The Mets and Rockies are attempting to get a game or two in today although the snow removal held the first game up for a while, and it's snowing there now, and is supposed to throughout the night. We shall see, Wright hit two home runs so far in the first game.  :)

I want to vent here about work, but I also don't want this to be a work vent blog so I am just going to say "jeez am I glad today's class is over"..

Anyway, off to dinner..  I say off to dinner, but I'm not going to post this till later tonight as I don't really want two blog entries in the same day. 

--
I just got back from Oklahoma Joe's BBQ, as I said earlier, they are in a gas station on the Southern side of Kansas City, the restaurant had a line out the door but I was assured by the guys in front and behind me that it was worth the wait. I waited in line for almost an hour and they were right, it was worth it..  They were featured on Food Network a few years ago and were listed as one of Anthony Bourdain's "13 Places to Eat Before You Die".

1. St. John (London)
2. elBulli (Girona, Spain)
3. The French Laundry (Napa Valley, CA)
4. PerSe (New York City)
5. Sin Juat Eating House (Singapore)
6. Le Bernardin (New York City)
7. Salumi (Seattle)
8. Russ & Daughters (New York City)
9. Katz's Delicatessen (New York City)
10. Etxebarri (Axpe, Spain)
11. Sukiyabashi Jiro (Tokyo)
12. Hot Doug's (Chicago)
13. Oklahoma Joe's Barbecue (Kansas City, Kansas)

Did you know that Kansas City MO is the same city as Kansas City KS? The northern side of the river is in MO, the southern side of the river is in KS. Just an odd thing to share in case you were interested in random bar room trivia, which if you're reading this blog you probably are.

--
Apparently cold snowy winter weather causes even more home runs in Colorado than normal..  Mets lost game one but are currently winning game two. Random trivia part, I don't know, lets say two..  ;)  - Mets have hit a home run in every game they have played so far this year, I know there has not been that many games yet, but I thought it was a cool statistic..

--
One last thing before I sign off for the night.  I uploaded like 200 pictures to Flickr last night and today, I had not uploaded new pictures since December so go check it out..

Uh, I used to have a "links" section on the left hand side, the link is http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrjax38/sets

Speaking of used to have..  Remember the Flickr widget on this blog, wish that still worked..

Gratitude - in the form of food for the heart and soul..

"Don't lead, I'll wander off bored. Don't follow, I'll get you lost. Stand beside me and help me cause trouble."

:)

--
After eating crap the last few days I decided to be healthy today.. Crap = Royal Bacon Blue fries at the game yesterday and Wendy's for dinner. Anyway, Happy Cow to the rescue right? What can I possibly find in KC that's healthy?  You may have heard of Cafe Gratitude from my previous blogs, if not they are a vegan (mostly raw) restaurant from CA. Well, they have one in KC that opened last year!

Tonight's choices:
Drink - Klamath Lake live Algae with Kale, Beet, Celery, Apple and Ginger
Appetizer - Kale with garlic and Pumpkin seeds
Dinner - Hemp seed Pesto bowl with Quinoa, shredded Kale, Tomato and a Brazil Nut Cheese drizzled with Olive Oil and topped with Sprouts

SO GOOD!!

I sat at the bar and ended up talking to a regular customer and one of the waiters for a while. The waiter told me about a few other vegan restaurants in the area including a place called FuD which has vegan BBQ, apparently they entered a BBQ contest without telling anyone it was not meat and won 2nd place! I think I'm going to go there tomorrow night. He also told me about a local beer house that had lots of local beer choices so I went there after dinner. Turns out it is the Flying Saucer which is a beer house from Texas. I recognized it as soon as he put the coaster down..  I actually have a membership there from when I was in Texas with Becca. I had Boulevard's DoubleWide IPA which was very good, not Maharajah good, but really, what is..

Speaking of Becca..  The waiter at Cafe Gratitude told me before he gave me the bill he had to ask me the "question of the day" which was "name a problem in your life that turned into a blessing", I had already seen the question on the black board by the bathroom so I had my answer. I told him that the problem was my ex deciding not to give me another chance and that the blessing is that I was single long enough to re-discover who I am and that life put me in the right spot to meet Kaila..

Who is Kaila?  More on that later..  ;)  Sufficed to say, she is the girl I'm dating now, and she is pretty smeggin' awesome.. I'm not going to "wax poetic" about her here yet, but I will say she is someone who I hope will come up a lot in future blogs..

Back to the matter at hand..  Kansas City reminds me a lot of Pittsburgh, with the winding hilly streets and lots of odd roads and bridges, the difference is this city seems a lot cleaner than Pittsburgh.

Ah, the tangent is back baby...  :D

I showed up for work today and have eight students, seven are local and the eighth is in India via webcam!? The lighting in the room was such that once I started using the white board we had to re-arrange all the furniture so that he could see what I was writing, the downside is the white board is pretty low so while I was not writing the student in India got to watch my crotch while I talked..  LOL! 

The facility here is really cool, they have an outside eating area in the woods next to the cafeteria, it was nice enough today that I got to sit outside with my lunch which is always a win..
I am going to head to bed but I wanted to write a little something before bed..

One last time, as a nod to someone I hold dear..

Good night my lovelies..

Nobody likes the smegging censors, even when they're yourself..

I have started this blog many times over the last few months..  Sometimes it started angry, sometimes it started emo and sometimes it started hopeful. Everytime it started talking about other people and focused on them coming or going from my life. This blog should not be about others, well, as the focus anyway..  After much thought I decided to open this blog with I!

"
I was so frightened
 I almost ran away
 I didn't know that I could do
 Anything I needed to

And then a bolt of lightning
 Hit me on my head
 Then I began to see
 I just needed to believe in me

Now I, I believe in me
 And I, I believe in something more
 Than you can understand
 Yes, I believe in me
 O-ooh and I believe in me
 Ooh yes I believe in something more
 Than you can understand
 Yes, I believe in me

Listen!
 They said I didn't stand a chance
 I wouldn't win no way
 But I've got news for you
 There's nothing I can't do

Ain't no pretending
 Ain't no make believe
 But I've got to be the one
 I gotta do what must be done

And I (I) believe in me
 Whoa-o and I (I) believe in something more
 Than you can understand
 Yes, I believe in me"

I have come to the realization over the last few months that I'm very affected by the moods of those around me, if I surround myself with negative and hopeless people I tend to take that on. I've certainly fallen into that trap over the last few years, never feeling like I was enough, never feeling like things were ok, always looking for something to "fix" things. Being single these last few months has made me realize who I am again, has made me come back to the true me.

Who is that?  I'm the person who wears their heart on their sleeve, who wants everyone to be happy and who tells everyone about everything when they're happy. I've been told many times (even recently) that I should watch what I say to people because it might come off as bragging or gloating or hurtful. When I tell you about something I'm happy about it's because I'm happy and I want to share that happiness with others. I want the same of you, if you're happy with a partner, a meal or just a good day I want to hear it. Hearing about other people's good times makes me happy, even if it has nothing to do with me. I honestly don't understand how people can NOT want to hear about good things, but I guess that's why the news never leads the night with a happy story of someone's success, instead they are focused on all the crap in the world..  Crap begets crap..  Happiness begets happiness. It's the simplest truth of the law of attraction.

I do care too much about people's feelings, because of that I've started censoring myself out of concern that it would hurt if what I said was heard and/or read. I'm sure you can tell if you go back to the beginning of this blog when I was MUCH more open about myself and the world around me. It's time I stopped caring what people think.

"
all of my life
 I've never fit
 but I won't complain and I won't quit
 I am enormous
 get used to it
 everyone tells me I'm too much
 maybe it's just you're not enough for me
 can't you see
 I'm the kind of the woman I'm supposed to be"

OK, I know, woman, what, well, I'm not going to edit lyrics..  ;)  I am reminded of my friend Steve who once said, 'most people hate me, and I'm ok with that because those who like me like me for me'. Well, I also don't think caring about people's feelings is a bad thing, but we don't live in Chile. I will say what I want, regardless of if I'm in a prison or not, I WON'T die if you hear me.

I know there are some people who get this blog auto-emailed to them, if you don't want to be on that list anymore after reading this just send me an email and I will remove you. I'd hate for something I've said to randomly show up in your inbox and piss you off. No, I'm not saying this out of spite or anger, I'm saying this because I really don't want to piss anyone off, but in the same respect I can't censor myself (especially here) because of the few who might get upset.

--
With that said..  Hi everyone..  :)  I'm in Kansas City this week, I flew in yesterday so I could go to a Royals game today, the stadium was VERY nice and it was a very good game (Royals won 3-2 on a walk off hit). The guy sitting next to me was apparently a little aspy (he narrated the entire game to himself including when birds were chirping), I tried talking to him a bit but after a little while realzed it would be better to just let him be in his own little world. I found out that the Negro Leagues were formed in KC and there is a museum downtown, I need to find out when they are open so I can try to go this week.

That's all from me for now.. I might write more later tonight but I wanted to put this out there now before I chicken out, I have to post this before the side of me that says "you know this might upset some people" wins..